Friday, July 15, 2011

Mr. Artiste's (ridiculous) Art Q&A

Carnotaurian by Bobby Esckelson
Dear Mr. Artiste,


Why won't you draw my tattoo for free? I'll tell everyone about it and you can add it to your portfolio and I will pay you later when I get paid next month and anyway you enjoy drawing don't you? So it's not really work!


Sincerely,
Anonymous



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Dear Anonymous,


So let me get this straight... the tattoo artist makes money, you end up with a free design and money in the bank with interest from your job so I *might* get paid later, while my reward is word of mouth advertising that I give away free artwork to anyone who asks?  Um, let me think this over carefully. No.


Art materials are expensive, time away from paying clients is losing business, art school isn't free, and advertising that I undervalue my skills enough to give away my intellectual property damages my professional integrity. If you would like a free tattoo design, perhaps you should draw it yourself and test your theory that it isn't really work. 


Kindly,
Mr. Artiste


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Dear Mr. Artiste,

All my family members want free art! Whenever a holiday comes around they ask for original paintings, drawings, or free prints. For a while I gave into their requests - but now it's just too expensive. How do you handle family members who want freebies?



Sincerely,
Anonymous
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 Custom Bridal Bouquet by Susie Tenzer
Dear Anonymous,


So let's imagine for Don't Step on a Bee Day (this is a real holiday mind you) my imaginary Great Aunt Elma asks for a painting of pink roses, and my little faux cousin Jeffery wants a baseball mural, and before I know it I'm working full-time for my hypothetical family.  No thank you, I love you guys and all my other pretend extended family, but I just can't.  


I approach the matter with love and honesty: I tell Great Aunt Elma that I'd love to give her a painting if she could pay for the equivalent in art supplies and art classes and time, and once she realizes the huge expense this is to her, she may actually just say oh gosh, I'm rather unable to contribute right now, perhaps I can just ask for some real pink roses instead?  And seeing as little Jeffery has the attention span of a bumblebee I find some baseball cards instead and he couldn't care less; hypothetical families rule, of course real ones will be a bit more complex, but if they love us and respect us as artists, they should understand.


Yours,
Mr. Artiste
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If you have something to add to our spoof art column, feel free to comment below!


AND A BIG THANK YOU TO THE ARTISTS WHO CONTRIBUTED ARTWORK AND QUESTIONS TO MAKE THIS ALL POSSIBLE

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